The Journey

I
Staring out at the forest of concrete and glass
Animals wearing clothing march tirelessly
The unheard beating of some maniacal drum driving them onward
forward, forward, forward
they come in various shades
they come with different strange ideas in their heads
I repeat the holy litany in sync with them
again and again
‘our father, who art in heaven..”
The words bounce around in my skull
little objects moving like ships in the ocean
Once in a while the ships crash
they create strange permutations of concepts
the ideas mutate and become new all over again
My glass is empty
but it gets filled all over again

II
The lash strikes like lightning
cutting the air into fragments
turning to the voice of comfort from within
I find the easy answers don’t work
it’s not enough
the words don’t come as easily
is our father in heaven?
begging not to be led into temptation
striving to forgive those who trespass
my glass is empty
the same amount doesn’t fill it

III
I dive into the old books
words build upon words like bricks
my God’s will is done here
as it is in heaven
could this be heaven?
I’m being led into temptation by His very book
There are laws that hurt
judgements that should not be
If He cannot stand to my eyes
and His book doesn’t bring light
every question creates questions
they trickled in at first
now they are a river
a swelling mass of doubt and unanswered questions
swiming against it with the work of theologans
I am drowning
The book has become the enemy
the illumination within only creates shadows
and shadows within shadows
My cup is empty
I cannot fill it

IV
the journey is long
fraught with pitfalls and pain
I want to find a truth
instead I find questions
I leave my eden of comfort
the words are strange and new
the feeling remains though
shadows with deeper shadows
screaming in the dark
no words that are unique
nothing that calms my yearning
only more bits and pieces
I’ve learned so very much
yet I remain lost and confused
I want so much more
My cup is empty
I fail to fill it

V
the words are true
there is no special answer
only stories that comfort
ignorance that brings peace
there is another truth
a truth that doesn’t require pain and suffering
there is bliss in knowledge
there is beauty in words
there is a boundless peace
not knowing creates fear
knowing not is joy
My cup is empty
I don’t want to fill it

VI
Blessed is the circle and the line
blessed is the holy electron microscope
blessed is the angel of peer review
blessed is the atom bomb
harbinger of the secrets of the universe
blessed is the cosmic background radiation
keeper of the all time
Marie Curie is a saint
Galileo Galilei is a martyr
Ignorant emptiness is an immortal sin
Man is alone together
Man must learn to love
Life is a blink that ends too soon
the seven ages of man will never be enough
Love is the order
Love is the only fact
We are on a rock
in a universe far too large to ever understand
looking out into the black
and it is Good
My cup is empty
I don’t need it